Asian Girl Problem #80: The Male Me & A Couple Articles

“When I’m with a black girl, it kinda feels like she’s my sister.”

I wanted to jump up and scream “YES!” and tell him all about the times that same hang-up has arose from my dates with Asian guys. Like this one I had last year at the movies:

I guess because the couple on screen is kissing, it’s acceptable to assume your neighbor is in the mood. In the awkward silence, I asked, “What time is it?” and he said “9:45. Are you tired?” “Not really” (even though I hella was) and all of a sudden his hand was on my leg and he’s hovering over me, his Asian face getting closer and closer to my Asian face. And planted one on me. I sort of kiss back but my lips felt like wood and I tried to smile but it was a grimace. It felt incestuous. He tried to go in again and I managed to stop it without running away or cracking up. It wasn’t right. Asian people simply don’t kiss in my world. If they liked each other, a family representative could send word, and then after the wedding, Buddha delivered them a child.

…None of this bothers me as much as this internal racism I seem to harbor. I’ve been lightly accused of it in the past and I don’t know if it’s valid or because it’s I just like making fun of people, and the easiest target is always your own kind. In some ways I’m intensely close to my Chinese-ness, feel responsible to defend it and will always navigate the world through a yellow-colored lens. But I also feel like I straight up kissed my brother, and I could not wait to get home and brush my teeth.

But it was a first date, so I didn’t jump up, but probably exclaimed. Still no closer to understanding this rationale. I will say that the two Asian guys I’ve met since the beginning of this new dating journey are the only ones who have not been interested in a second round.

Also some interesting articles as of late:
The East is Feminine
Why people can be less sensitive to physical characteristics of other races
Changing cultural expectations of taking care of our aging parents.
Finally a show with an Asian main character who isn’t “Asian.” 

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