Asian Girl Problem #5: Really The Ultimate Problem

If you’re ever feeling a lack of emotion and want to get riled up about something, fast, read a conversation like this one. I think it can strike a chord in anyone regardless of race or gender.

If you prefer to keep your blood pressure where it is, I’ll give you a quick summary. The Beijinger is a news/events/classifieds resource for English-readers in Beijing. A lot of users let it all hang out in the forums, and this is one of many conversations discussing the willingness of local women to jump into bed with any and every foreigner. The OP brings up that both sides are attracted to the exoticness of the other, and shows a little common sense at the end by acknowledging that it doesn’t happen the other way around, with Chinese guys in America. (Ha!  I can’t wait to represent some brothers in upcoming posts.)

One ignoramous isn’t worth getting offended by, but forums like this never fail to draw out all the other fools who would normally restrain themselves behind a paragon of modesty. Most responders call his bullshit or show some pitying disgust, but there are always a good amount of supporters. And the more validation the OP gets, the more his “kind” blurs together, forming another negative stereotype. He speaks on behalf of girls in Beijing, but by the end of the thread, readers like me have formed an image of him–pale, pudgy, $5 haircut under a fisherman’s hat, transition sunglasses, teaching English because they couldn’t get a job back home, small di–okay, maybe my imagination goes too far.

I’m not even directly angry at him–I put most of the shame on my own.

“It doesn’t matter who you are–if you look like you could be from a high status, plenty of people will kiss your ass,” my cousin told me when we were having dinner one night in Beijing. “You could be the biggest loser in your own country, but people here want you. You’re different and they want you to be their ticket out of their current situation.”

So part of why Westerners have a delusional view of China is because Chinese people perpetrate it. My dad’s coworker recently raved to us about a business trip he went on, where companies wined and dined him every night and treated his words like gospel. Coming back to America was like getting demoted. The same was true for a girl I met once to be a potential roommate–she had just moved back from five years in Beijing, and was terribly “homesick.” She spent her first week in Chinatown bars talking to old men. And she is a gorgeous girl by any standards, but the fact is, if you go to China and look like Barbie, you can get everything you want at the snap of the finger.

Even full-blooded Chinese kids like me who were raised in America have to keep their background under wraps unless we like having people  roll out the red carpet. I know some Asian guys who go to China and don’t want to leave because they get so much “model ass.” I know I’m coming from a privileged place when I gripe about this, but seriously. Worshipping the exotic is no different from fangirls thinking they’ll become a celebrity by commenting on their Instagram or getting their autograph or even sleeping with them. While that has its problems, it’s way more dangerous when you apply it to an entire race. That cycle just validates mofos like the OP of that post and every time they get an easy lay they have another personal testament to fuel their misguided view of a country. I got about a third of the way through the first page of comments before leaving.

Real people and relationships have nuances and contradictions. Those striving to fill a stereotype or fulfill a fantasy bring too little value to the table. The only way I can deal with it is to forget. Excuse myself. Click away from the forum. Put my head under a faucet. Find real people.

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One thought on “Asian Girl Problem #5: Really The Ultimate Problem

  1. Pingback: Asian Girl Love #25: Sexy Beijing | Asian Girl Probs

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