as i type this i’m still nodding at my mom who has been rambling on and on about people and her self-therapy and god knows what else. it’s been at least half an hour that she’s been going on while i surf the net and i have not said a single word. crazy. but i guess old people have license to do that. she just said some chinese proverb about your stomach containing a ship. that was one thing that caught my attention. a lot of my granparents are sick and perhaps terminally so that sucks. i applied to grad schools the other day. my parents’ house is making me feel sad and old and i can’t wait to go to berkeley (i’ve been spending so much of break alone with her since my dad’s away and every minute is a constant struggle to be patient, not upset her, still try to communicate with the few safe subjects we have left like food and gossip about other people. i promise those are the only things we can talk about because you know my penchant for groups of threes but i couldn’t think of anything else to finish that trifecta. i am trying to be really good which means being really quiet most of the time which is my natural demeanor. except i hate it because i always wanted to be a vibrant loud person but it is never an option. wow i thought it’d be nice to write this but it’s just making me more unhappy)

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