you just survived

by the skin of your teeth, xanga. the skin
i was just going to create a new blog to really motivate myself to write SOMETHING more regularly because xanga is silly and who knows how to pronounce it anyway. but then i thought, my name is cursed with an unpronouncible x too and i would cry if someone abandoned me because of a thing like that aaand i’ve never taken it seriously enough anyway so the silliness of this break up/make up relationship i have with this crazy complicated blog (blogger’s so much sleeker) that i’ve had since my awkward years of middle school is too perfect to leave behind. and livejournal is too hip
i’m really going to write more this time. i know, because for the past two weeks i’ve wanted to come back all the time but i didn’t want to start saying that i would again and not follow through. not that we (especially me) should expect much because it’s totally driven by self-gratification right now. i know i’m supposed to be writing a lot and networking for the good of my post-graduation plans (lack thereof) but at the end of the day if i’m done with schoolwork all i want to do is cook or read for fun or make paper sculptures or play guitar or any number of other time/money-consuming habits that don’t actually get me anywhere in life but make it lovely. so if i write something here every day (or half of that) i’ll at least feel like i’m meeting my future halfway. (so if my future self comes up one day and strikes me with her books (because that’s all she’ll have. everything else will be sold for food except the mountains of books she had to read for college that no one will buy) i can whip this out and say see i met you halfway damnit.)
so it’s very unsurprising that i should resurrect this because this is a semester is all about being retroactive. circumstances (practical ones, not emotional – i want to make sure i clarify that maybe because i’ve met a lot of crazies lately) have led me far away (1.5 hours) from the berkeley campus where i am living with my parents and have to BART to school five days a week. so far it’s been good albeit bizarre to feel like i’m in high school again, except without any of the friends nearby 😦 it’s just until january, which is totally feasible. anyway, another reason to come back. another reason why my new posts will feel the same as the old ones. only the new and improved college version. with bigger compartments for baggage and neuroses and magnetic mirror to find my gray hairs! and i’ll still rant and rave about bands, school, my endeavors to start a garden, sewing, etc. but my writing style might have changed and i’m okay just writing about my day without so many crazy bells and whistles like i used to do. i don’t try as hard anymore – not that it felt like trying back then; it was quite fun. and i’m not terrified of using “i” so much anymore and feeling like it sounds self-absorbed and repetitive. you might have noticed that. but “you” is also a nice word. and i’ll probably keep this run-on paragraph because it discourages people to actually read the whole thing unless they really want to. as usual, nothing will be private because i’d hope that if i ever needed to stalk you, you’d be accessible too

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