give me a lobotomy i can’t stop obsessing

i’m just trying to get through this last week. but i’m out of gas and lost my momentum so this week will probably screw up my grades that’s i’ve been trying so hard to maintain all semester. but i won’t get my grades until end of may so until then, who cares. homework/finals/creative writing – winging it all. in (spoken word) poetry we have a last poem with the theme “how did you get here?”. yeah i rolled my eyes as well. i wrote something in the last twenty minutes so i could get it over with. it’s not much, but i realize i quite like it just for the sentiment, not the execution or anything:

going west

i sit here and write this
because my father disregarded the wishes of his father
his professors and his bosses
knowing, like his peers,
that America washes you over with an unforgiving culture
but that he will learn how to hold up mom and i

because mom carried two hundred dollars in her purse
and the quilt with my one year old self inside
while a boeing 747 carried her away from the parents
who had never been apart from her for more than a day

because my dad learned not to speak
of his membership in the communist party
and instead learned the idioms on tape
handed out by the college where he worked
it taught, “a penny saved is a penny earned”, which he already knew

because they learned how to pass driving tests
while still learning how to read
and how to carpool with friends
once they found out which stores
sold the cheapest produce

because after eleven years in ohio he wanted
to keep moving west where the
climate’s more moderate
people more liberal
jobs more lucrative
and universities more prestigious, for me

so I can have a different culture
recognize the celebrities in my tv
always have enough to eat, buy books and go see shows
make friends who I know won’t be separated by oceans
so I can study and create in a language he still tries to understand

these poems can be annoying, like unwanted children. i’m rarely proud of them. and it’s so cheesy that they always make me feel better and stop worrying about other things that are going on. i’m okay. write or be written write or be written

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